I swear, I really have to agree with the sentiment of Hyldain's latest post. As you may or may not know, I work with him at tech support for a regional ISP/call-center. These two doozies really set me off, however. Foul language and lengthy diatribe to follow, so consider yourself warned.
1) Crazy Army Wife Bitch:
Ok, so this woman calls in and I begin troubleshooting. Basically, lightning hit her part of the barracks at an army base in Georgia and knocked out her Ethernet card, since the DSL signal indicator light was still lit. This apparently occurred while she was instant messaging her husband in Iraq. Let me first say that Mr. Army Husband, I duly appreciate your service and sacrifice and dedication to our great nation. Thank you, sir. Your wife on the other hand, is an incredibly stupid, hyper-emotional, irrational, tyrannical cretin who should promptly burn in hell. When I tried to explain she'd need another Ethernet cable, she went absolutely irate on me. She began a 20+ minute rant (during which I couldn't get a single word in edgewise) about how it would be on my head if her husband died before she or her children could speak to her again. She then proceeded to personally insult my intelligence when I told her that the lightning probably knocked out her Ethernet cable or the Ethernet card. Nevermind the fact that she called in seven hours later, connected with USB (an alternative to Ethernet as an interface on her DSL modem) and was getting online fine. Because, her husband is in a combat zone with nothing better to do than chat with him over DesertBand Wi-Fi (patent pending).
2) Complete Lying Cornhole Man:
Then I get this dude today. He refused to troubleshoot with the first level tech, and demanded to speak with second level, where I'm working today. Basically, he didn't release his IP address before switching computers, and the first level tech [correctly] told him he'd need to wait four hours for the lease to expire. Oh, HELL NO, that was unacceptable, so he went irate and I got him transferred to me (since I have absolutely NO fucking access to the DHCP server and can't do anything about it). But, since he was telling me this was a business situation, I offered to walk him through a procedure where we could hook the old PC up to the modem, release the IP, then switch back to the new PC and get him online. But NOOO, that couldn't happen, since he insisted that we fried his Ethernet card when our crews "cut some wires" [laws of physics be damned!]. Also, he was threatening to cancel his service because it was down for 36 hours and he claimed he pays $3,000 (yes, three thousand) a month for his DSL connection. I had to call Bullshit (trademark of Penn and Teller's Bullshit!) on that one, since you can get a damn dedicated gigabit fiber optic line for less than that. So, I transferred him to line repair, since he was demanding a tech out there immediately. Then, line repair proceeded to give me hell, as if I was the one refusing to troubleshoot.
Please, don't be mislead. We at Tech Support know you all out there aren't experts. Hell, we don't expect or demand anyone to be one. HOWEVER, we do expect you to listen to us, to follow directions, and to treat us like human beings. Believe it or not, we're trying to help you, it's what we do. If we sound irritable, it's because of individuals like Mr. and Mrs. Fucktard above.