I was reading some friends' blogs about goals they'd set for themselves by certain ages, and those pangs of regret, long surpressed in the depths of my psyche (you know, down there with the faint light of dreams long ago dreamed) began to rear their collective ugly head. Almost at tears, I write.
Growing up, I had such lofty aspirations for myself. It may sound silly now coming from a man as fat and out of shape as I am, but I always wanted to be an astronaut. I remember seeing old footage of Neil Armstrong's historic landing on the moon and thinking to myself, "That is what I want to do! Something that hasn't been done before." As many of my elementary school teachers would tell you, I always had my nose stuck in books about the space program, particularly the Apollo program. I came to make a goal for myself: become the first human to set foot on Mars...or something equally as likely to land me a place in the history books.
And, for a time, all seemed well in proceeding toward that objective. In high school, I quickly rose to the top of my class. I graduated as valedictorian and headed to Georgia Tech to study nuclear engineering.
Then, I lost it all.
Now look at me. Overweight, out of shape, and stuck in a job at tech support while I finish out computer networking at a local tech school. My, how the mighty have fallen indeed. While I was at Georgia Tech, I had written down some goals for myself by the year 2010. I happened to find them in the murky waters of the My Documents folder on my computer. Suffice it to say I am nowhere near them.
Then again, is that necessarily a bad thing? I mean, I was a different person in the fall of 2000 when I wrote those as part of a stupid freshman orientation assignment. And different people have different goals, right? At least I have clothes, shelter, food, and family...and a woman who loves me dearly. Maybe instead of pining for the past, I should be on my knees thanking God what I do have.
"And I said: 'Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!'" Isaiah 6:5, English Standard Version
1 comment:
I agree with you when you point out how things change over time--the goals one sets for him or herself at a certain point in life may not suit that person at all by the time they are achieved.
Although it is said in jest, I think the writers of Red Vs Blue said something similar, and put it quite well on the topic of tattoos:
"... Take your current age, now subtract ten years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't, you were a God damn idiot! The fact of the matter is, you're just as big of an idiot today, it's just gonna take you ten more years to realize it. Now think if you had drawn a picture on your body ten years go. Would you be happy with it today? Chances are, you wouldn't be."
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